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Q I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything. I’ve known I wanted to be a medical doctor since I was very young. I worked hard in high school and college but my grades weren’t good enough. So now what? My parents have all sorts of good advice, but I just don’t care.

A Both you and your parents need to understand that you are grieving and in a crisis. Losing a cherished dream in spite of hard work and perseverance is a profound loss, equal to experiencing the death of someone much loved. A loss must be grieved as part of a healing process. Sadness and loss of energy are normal under the circumstances.

A crisis is an opportunity for change and growth. Having your expected future loosened from its moorings in an irrevocable way is painful but can be character building—if you let it. When you are ready (that is, tired of doing nothing) let your good work ethic and tenacity help you to define new goals for your life. Start to dream about your future again, while developing an objective view of your own gifts, talents, and interests. Ask your parents and others you trust what they think you’re good at. Explore.

Also pray for help. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to yourself in a new way. Accept the Spirit’s comfort and remember that the Spirit is called “our Counselor” for a reason. Pour out your heart while trusting in the Spirit’s love for you.

—Judy Cook is a family therapist and a member of Meadowlands Fellowship CRC in Ancaster, Ont.