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Bloopers from church bulletins:
“The cost for the fasting and prayer conference includes meals.”

—Alvin Bosma

I had been teaching my 3-year-old daughter the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some email.”

—Bruce D. Quinn

My nephew and his wife were expecting their second child when 3-year-old big brother Bryson was asked, “Do you want a new brother or a sister?”
Bryson replied, “I want to be an only child.”

—Pat Hazenberg

Asked where his grandma lived, a 5-year-old responded that she lived at the airport. “When we want her, we go and get her. And when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”

—Dick Bylsma

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Mama, look what I found,” he called out.

“What have you got, there, dear?” his mother answered.

With astonishment in his voice, he said, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

—Dale Vander Veen

A man in the hospital bed next to me was covered in bandages from head to toe. I said to him, What do you do for a living?” He said, “I’m a former window washer.”

I asked, “When did you give it up?”

He replied, “Halfway down.”

—Jan Veltkamp

One Sunday morning we let it be known we had become grandparents to “mixed twins.” A very dear elderly lady congratulated us in the foyer after the service. “How lovely,” she said. “Are they identical?”

—Norm Ross

While I waited in the reception area of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there alone and silent, until a little boy slipped off his mother’s lap and walked over to the man. Placing his hand on the man’s, he said, “I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.”

—Vivian Petrik

Our 5-year-old great-granddaughter lost her grip on a helium balloon and watched in dismay as it ascended. “In the name of Jesus,” she pleaded, “please come back.”

The balloon didn’t.

She is learning that faith sometimes means simply hanging on to what you have.

—Bruce Nikkel